By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
