so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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