Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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