But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
