New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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