Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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