my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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