How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
