i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
