my sisters under your porch take her home
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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