Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
