There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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