the condom got lost in my hair
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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