I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize