You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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