i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
this is an emotional support booty call
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
