Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hippo gnu deer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
