My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
