"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
