I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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