Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
