Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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