Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
