Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
