sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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