I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
