she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
