im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
