At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
