Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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