Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
