im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
