dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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