he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
