I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
