I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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