What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
