Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
