her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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