You really coming over, don't trick.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
