but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
