Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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