Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
