hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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