I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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