Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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