we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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