Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
