He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
