I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
