So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
