I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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