i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
