I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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