are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
