If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
