idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
