and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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