My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
