I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
