Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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