Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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