Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
