my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
