So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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