I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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