Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
