By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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