I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
