Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drake has all the answers
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
