my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
