my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
love makes seman taste better
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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