5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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